Safe With Me
by bellibelle
Summary: Klaine AU. What do you do when your best friend is in love with your soul mate? Does destiny take precedence over situation and chance and dumb luck? How can you ignore the feeling that you missed your opportunity, that your fate has passed you by?
1. This is paralyzed

**Author's Note:** Lyrics by Bon Iver. Blaine and Kurt are not mine, but this universe is.

**Dedication: **This story has four parts, and as such, has a four part dedication: 1) to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan and Brad Falchuk, for creating an incredible television show that became so much more than a sum of its parts. Glee _is_ by its very definition about opening yourself up to joy.

**PART ONE**

_**This my excavation and today is kumran**_

_** Everything that happens fr**__**om now on**_

_** This is pouring rain**_

_** This is paralyzed**_

* * *

><p><em>How exactly did I get here?<em> Blaine asked himself as he walked down the sidewalk on his way to meet Kurt and Erik. He sighed, running his hands through his loose curls, looking back on the past few years. _How could I be in love with my best friend's boyfriend?_

Blaine Anderson knew love and life and college weren't supposed to work like this. Nothing about Blaine's current situation fit into his plan.

* * *

><p>Oh, the plan. He'd filled pages and pages of spiral notebooks with his hopes for the future. College majors and dream jobs, kids' names and sketches of the perfect house. He had it all figured out: go to a good school, major in something interesting but not too impossible. Meet the perfect guy and fall head over heels. Woo him and win him and marry him (because, in a few years, it was sure to be legal everywhere). But, most of all, be in love and together and happy.<p>

How had it all gone so terribly wrong?

Blaine had done most of what he'd planned. He was studying at Northwestern University, one of the best schools in the Midwest. Majoring in journalism and music, Blaine could balance his passion with his realistic goal of having a nice house in the suburbs with a backyard and a tree house for the kids. And Blaine had even met the perfect guy _and_ fallen deeper and faster than he'd ever dreamed he could. But the wooing and the winning? That part hadn't worked out so well.

In his freshman year, Blaine lived down the hall from Erik Boden. Tall, blonde, gay, and so effortlessly cool, Erik had inexplicably taken a liking to the short, mop-headed bookworm. The two debated the strengths of the final _Harry Potter _book and bonded over _Lord of the Rings_ marathons. When it came time to pick roommates for their sophomore year, the two didn't hesitate to select each other and, by junior year, it was as if they had alwaysbeen best friends. People knew them as Erik-and-Blaine and Blaine-and-Erik, as two parts of a whole, two people completely connected.

But Blaine Anderson didn't fall in love with Erik Boden. That would have probably been simpler, easier, more sensible. No, instead Blaine Anderson fell for the elusive and mystifying Kurt Hummel.

* * *

><p>Kurt first waltzed into Blaine's life on a Wednesday, in the first lecture of a music theory class. A gifted music major, Kurt possessed a grace that left Blaine captivated. As days turned into weeks Blaine worked up the nerve to do more than stare longingly at Kurt and the two formed a tentative friendship. Shyly navigating unfamiliar territory, Blaine asked Kurt out to coffee and the boy, the <em>beautiful <em>boy, accepted. By the end of their first semester, it was assumed that they would meet every Monday and Wednesday before lecture to laugh about Vogue and Broadway and their bewildering attempts to figure out what in the world they were doing with their lives.

One Wednesday, as ordinary as any other, Blaine invited Erik along, innocently hoping to introduce his best friend to the boy with whom he was besotted. But, just like much of his life, the day didn't go according to Blaine's plan.

Erik spent the first fifteen minutes alternating between staring at his coffee and staring at Kurt, barely uttering a word. Amused and clueless, Blaine rambled on about how he could make a Wicked movie perfectly, if only he had the chance. He knew just how he'd persuade Idina and Kristen to join the project and he debated the relative merits of a few different directors. Would it be too much to direct _and _play Fiyero?

After half an hour, Erik squeaked out a few sentences and finally asked Kurt if he would join him for dinner that Friday night. Flustered but smiling shyly, Kurt had accepted, effectively breaking Blaine's heart.

* * *

><p>In all fairness, Blaine hadn't exactly told Erik about his feelings for Kurt, but he had thought it to be obvious. How could Erik, his <em>best friend, <em>not realize that he was head over heels?

A few weeks later, Erik asked Blaine if it had been his plan all along: to set Erik up with Kurt, his clearly perfect match. Blaine's stomach dropped as he nodded, rewriting history, pretending that he'd been intentionally playing matchmaker from the beginning.

Over the next few months, Blaine endured hours of reliving every one of Erik and Kurt's dates in excruciating detail. What Kurt wore and what Kurt said and how Kurt laughed and wasn't Kurt perfect? And smart and funny and beautiful? And how could Erik possibly be lucky enough to call Kurt his boyfriend?

Erik wouldn't stop badgering Blaine for details about Kurt's likes and dislikes but, as much as it pained Blaine to admit it, Kurt seemed truly happy. So Blaine let him be.

He helped the pair through squabbles and silent treatments and misunderstandings. They affectionately called him "Cupid," and Blaine wiped away tears as he lay in bed, wondering what could have been. More times than he could rightfully acknowledge, Blaine imagined himself in Erik's shoes: holding Kurt's soft, perfect hands, playing the guitar as he and Kurt sang a romantic duet, gazing deep into each other eyes, Kurt's beautiful voice soaring high above Blaine's. He pictured their first date and their fortieth date and everything in between. He could almost feel Kurt's smooth lips on his own, the feel of Kurt's supple hair between his fingers.

* * *

><p>What do you do, what <em>can<em> you do, when your best friend falls for the boy of your dreams? Nothing. The answer was painful and simple and honest: nothing. Blaine could only sit back and watch, as what he hoped would be a quick fling became a serious relationship. Before he knew it, Erik and Kurt were celebrating their first anniversary and Blaine resigned himself to heart-breaking, gut-wrenching unrequited love. And it was miserable.

* * *

><p>Blaine's attempts to move on were half-hearted at best and, more often than not, laughingly pathetic. He dated here and there, and, after witnessing particularly loving exchanges between his two closest friends, made out with few strangers. None of his flings lasted for longer than Kurt's beauty regimen, but in a strange way, each one served its purpose. With each new distraction, Blaine compared the new boy less and less to Kurt. And every day, Blaine changed his perception of Kurt more and more: Kurt eventually stopped being <em>his<em> all together and became Erik's.

So, a year after that fateful trip for coffee, Blaine resigned himself to call Kurt his friend. Nothing more and nothing less.

* * *

><p>Blaine had let it slip three times. He had admitted, in particularly weak and stupid moments, that he was in love with Kurt. Once it was to his roommate freshman year. Once to Erik. And once to Kurt himself.<p>

Blaine's roommate Drew Cassidy was an aspiring poet. Over the course of their freshman year, Drew spent hours chain smoking, drinking earl grey and scribbling stanzas on napkins.

One day, suffering from a terrible bout of writer's block and desperately seeking a muse, Drew asked Blaine to tell him about love. Blaine had gone on to describe the exact feeling that swept over him every time Kurt was near: the feeling that the sky could turn red and the grass could burst into flames and the world could end, but it would all be okay as long as Blaine got to be with Kurt until the end. He detailed the understanding that he would do _anything_ to make Kurt happy, even if it meant he sacrificed his own happiness in the process. He explained how you could love so strongly that you actually felt it, your heart swelling in your chest, about to burst.

Drew grinned, jotting down notes here and there and, when Blaine finally finished his heartfelt speech, Drew chuckled and said, "So who's the guy?" Unable to deny it, Blaine told Drew all about Kurt. Drew knew Erik and understood the bond the two boys shared and so he nodded in all the right places and expressed his concern. Drew knew, as Blaine did, that even in spite of the most powerful love, Blaine couldn't bring himself to forsake friendship.

A few months later, in an act of much greater foolishness, Blaine confessed his feelings to Erik. There was some yelling and a few choice curse words before Erik grasped the idea that Blaine had merely fallen under Kurt's spell, just as Erik had. Blaine didn't choose to love Kurt, nor did he particularly want to. There was no blame to be assigned, no anger to feel because, when it comes to love and matters of the heart, there never is.

Why does love captivate us and enchant us as it does? Why are songs and books and sonnets written about its amazing power? How is it that love is the one thing that can connect us all and yet rip us apart? Love wouldn't posses any of these qualities if it was open to our consideration. If we elected to love those whom we did, the world would be a much simpler place. But its very nature, its all-consuming power, is exactly what makes love what it is. The fact that we _don't_ choose the ones we love is scary and heartbreaking and often unfair, but it also gives love the air of mystery and of magic. We can never explain it nor predict it nor control it.

And so Erik and Blaine understood that they were both powerless. Nothing could be done, they simply had to accept it: they were both in love with Kurt Hummel.

Finally, the third, most foolish slip-up. In the middle of their sophomore year, after Kurt had first played an original composition on the piano for Blaine, Blaine could no longer keep quiet. It escaped his lips first as a whisper, "I love you."

Kurt had taken a sharp breath and quietly asked, "You _what?_"

Realizing he had accidently uttered the words out loud, Blaine had stuttered and finally replied, "I just meant I, uh, I love it. The song…it's beautiful. You're really talented Kurt."

Blaine's acting was embarrassingly bad and Kurt didn't believe him for a second. "No, you said you loved me. _You_ love _me_. Not the song. You…Blaine!" Kurt eyes were wide and scared as he wailed and Blaine grimaced in response.

"Well, yeah. I guess this is a problem." Blaine said lamely, avoiding Kurt's stare.

Kurt laughed scathingly, "A problem? That's only a _huge_ understatement, Blaine. You can't! You can't love me!" Kurt began to pace and Blaine watched, becoming equally frazzled.

"Do you think it's something I can control? Something I want? Of course not!" Blaine replied, frustration clear in his voice. "I know you're with Erik and you love him and…" Blaine's took a frantic breath and, raking his fingers though his hair cried, "Erik's my best friend!"

Blaine covered his eyes with his hands and his voice dropped to a whisper once more. "He's my best friend," he said sighing, "But that doesn't do anything to change the fact that you're you." Kurt stopped pacing and listened as Blaine continued, "You're…well, Kurt…," Blaine finally brought his eyes to meet Kurt's shocked ones, " you're _everything_ to me."

Kurt gazed back at Blaine, speechless and Blaine continued, "I can't help it. I just…" Blaine heaved another sigh, "I just know that I will _never_ stop loving you."

Kurt's eyes were wide and brimmed with tears as Blaine leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Kurt's forehead. "Never," Blaine repeated.

* * *

><p>Blaine found his thoughts drifting to Kurt, as they often did. He wondered what Kurt was doing: where he was, if Kurt was thinking of him, too.<p>

But that was friendship, right? Blaine was just Kurt's friend. Friends called each other and talked for hours about their hopes and dreams and fears. Friends shared inside jokes and complicated stories. Friends gossiped and laughed and hugged. But did friends stare at each other, completely transfixed, from across crowded rooms? Did they feel a leap of excitement if their hands accidentally brushed while walking side by side? Friends might kiss each other on the cheek in greeting, but did lips linger on smooth skin, savoring the contact they so desperately craved? Friends missed each other dreadfully when they were apart and worried about each other when they were sick and thought about each other when they were lonely. But did friends think of each other the way Blaine thought of Kurt?

* * *

><p>"And, of course, you'll be the best man."<p>

Blaine nearly spit out his coffee. "I'm sorry, what?" Clearly he hadn't been doing a good job of disguising his distraction, as Kurt chuckled and rolled his eyes in response.

"Erik's just going on about our wedding," he explained ruefully. "It's really nothing."

"Nothing? Your _wedding_?" Blaine's eyes widened further as he continued, "How much of this conversation did I miss, exactly?"

Erik laughed and reached for Kurt's hand, squeezing it gently as he responded, "Not much. It's just that _when _it happens; when I finally make an honest man of my dear Kurt over here," Kurt blushed and dropped his gaze to his mug, "you know you'll be standing right next to me. Right? How could you not be?"

Blaine struggled to form a response. _When it happens. _Not if. _When._ So they were planning on getting married? Not tomorrow or next month but someday? Blaine felt his breathing get short and fast. How could this have happened? Didn't they _just_ start going out? Wasn't Kurt supposed to have realized by now that it wasn't Erik he loved at all, but Blaine?

_Don't be stupid, _a voice in his head said reproachfully, sounding, oddly enough, like a combination of his mother and Drew. _Kurt sees you exactly as you are: his best friend. And they've been together for two years. Marriage is a reasonable thing to contemplate. Just because you never had the balls to make a move…_

"Blaine, are you feeling okay?" Kurt's worried gaze met Blaine's frazzled eyes, concern etched on his forehead. "Is something wrong?"

Blaine scolded himself for being so ridiculous and shook his head. "I'm fine, really. Just freaking out about the future, as usual. The whole marriage thing, you know. Jobs and houses and babies. It's overwhelming, that's all."

Erik laughed and continued laying out his plans for "The Best Gay Wedding Ever" and Blaine tried to calm himself down. But Kurt's eyes didn't leave Blaine's, worry still evident on his lovely face. Blaine couldn't shake the feeling that Kurt understood the cause of Blaine's meltdown a little too well.

* * *

><p>Kurt stormed into Blaine's room, eyes ablaze, hair disheveled, cheeks pink.<p>

"You can't just _do _that!" he yelled. "You can't just tell me you love me after months, after _months_ of acting like we were just friends. After setting me up with your best friend! You can't, Blaine! It's not fair!"

Kurt paced around Blaine's room and Blaine sat, stunned, on his rainbow beanbag chair, eyes full of concern. He had left Kurt alone in the practice room after kissing him on the forehead, sure that, while Kurt might not recover from his revelation immediately, he was mostly okay about it all. He certainly wasn't expecting one very pissed off Kurt Hummel to come crashing into his room minutes later.

"You're not allowed to be romantic and kind and sweet, because I'm not yours! I'm with Erik, Blaine! You can't just say those things." Kurt stopped pacing and took a breath.

"Where were you last year? The first few weeks of class? When it was just you and me and coffee dates and Vogue and…" Kurt trailed off and when he spoke again, the anger had disappeared, replaced with pain and regret. In a soft voice full of hurt he asked, "Just, why now, Blaine? Why not then? Why couldn't you have told me then?"

Blaine stood up and crossed the room, gently placing his hands on Kurt's cheeks, looking him in the eyes. "I wanted to, I did." Kurt blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek, either from anger or sadness, Blaine couldn't tell. "I just didn't have the courage to do anything about it. And then with Erik…I never meant for it to happen. I wanted my best friend to meet the boy I loved." Kurt inhaled and tried to speak so Blaine rushed on, "and then you two hit it off and what kind of friend would I have been to either of you if I had stopped that? I was stuck!" Blaine wiped Kurt's tear away with his thumb and stroked Kurt's cheek gently. "I _am_ stuck. I'm stuck, Kurt, and there's nothing I can do."

Tears rolled down Blaine's cheeks and he pulled Kurt in for a hug, arms wrapping around the other boy, savoring the warmth and contact he so desperately desired. "I'm so sorry," Blaine finished. "You don't know how sorry."

Kurt pulled back and his watery eyes met Blaine's teary brown ones. "Oh, Blaine," Kurt sighed and rested his forehead against Blaine's, closing his eyes.

They stayed like that for a while. Maybe they were crying for Erik and for the unfairness of it all. Maybe for each other, for themselves. Maybe they were mourning what could have been. The missed opportunities and the mistakes they had made. Eventually, Kurt composed himself, kissed Blaine on the cheek and left with a mere, "I'm sorry, too," as a goodbye.


	2. It's hard to find it when you knew it

**Author's Note:** Lyrics by Bon Iver. The song in this part is Qulqu'un M'a Dit by Carla Bruni. Blaine and Kurt are not mine, but this universe is. Thanks for reading! I might be persuaded to update faster if I get a few reviews! :) I would LOVE to hear what you guys are thinking about the story so far.  
><strong>Dedication: <strong>2) to Bon Iver, Katie Herzig, The Head and the Heart and all the other artists who have inspired and motivated me. Thank you for sharing your incredible talent with the world; it's a better place because of it. The title and lyrics that start each section come from Bon Iver's incredible Re: Stacks. Check it out.**  
><strong>

**PART TWO**

_**I keep throwing it down two-hundred at a time  
>It's hard to find it when you knew it<br>When your money's gone  
>And you're drunk as hell<br>**_

What is friendship, really? Is it sacrificing your needs and your wants and even your whole self for someone else? Is it knowing that you deserve something, but giving it to another person instead?

And what is more powerful: true love or true friendship? If relationships come and go but friendships never fade, then why aren't don't call our best friends our soul mates?

Friendship doesn't keep us awake at night, tossing and turning as we analyze insignificant details and imagine the things to come. Friendship doesn't eat at us from the inside out, leaving us raw and miserable. Friendship doesn't cause wars or make babies or yield both indescribable happiness and unfathomable despair. Friendship doesn't, but love does. And true love? Soul mates and fate and destiny? Aren't they even stronger?

So, where do we draw the line? Is it acceptable to sacrifice friendship for love? Are we allowed to betray a friend in the name of destiny?

* * *

><p>Blaine would never forget the day he realized exactly how strongly he felt for Kurt; realized it wasn't just love that would fade over time, or flickering desire that he would soon forget.<p>

It was the end of their sophomore year and, after grabbing coffee at their favorite café, Blaine and Kurt had been walking to Kurt's dorm, debating, as they often did, something Broadway-related. Erik had gotten them tickets to see Les Miserables, and both boys were thrilled. Kurt was trying to convince Blaine that _everything_ was better in French, explaining that when he watched the original musical on YouTube, the experience was all the more incredible.

"I just don't understand how a language makes that big of a difference!" Blaine insisted with a laugh. "French, English, English, French. Who cares? The music is amazing, the story classic. What more do you want?"

Kurt scoffed and crossed his arms, "You just don't get it! English is such a boring language, so ugly and harsh. But, French! French is elegant and pure." Kurt smiled wistfully, and Blaine shrugged his shoulders.

"You're right. I don't get it." Blaine admitted as the boys reached Kurt's dorm. "To me, music is music. The words could be gibberish and it would still move me."

Kurt smiled at Blaine's response. He giggled and said, "_Everything_ moves you. 'The moon, Kurt! Just look at the moon!'" Kurt changed his voice to mimic Blaine's, imitating the boy's unquenchable enthusiasm. "'Did you see that old couple, Kurt? Weren't they just adorable? You have to listen to this song, Kurt! It's life-changing.' God, you're so cheesy." Kurt smiled and Blaine understood Kurt meant it all in kindness. Blaine might be cheesy, but Kurt found it endearing.

Blaine laughed along with Kurt, a light blush gracing his features. As they neared the music practice room on the first floor of Kurt's building, Kurt slowed and came to a stop. "I have the perfect idea!" he exclaimed, his grin wide and bright. "You don't believe that French is better than English? I'll prove it to you."

Kurt led a perplexed Blaine into the room and shut the door behind them. Blaine sat down on the piano bench, confused etched on his face. Kurt sat next to him and began to play a soft tinkling melody. "It's _Qulqu'un M'a Dit_, have you heard it?" Blaine slowly shook his head, watching as Kurt's fingers glided over the keys. "It's beautiful. And it's got this great, haunting message."

Blaine sat, transfixed, as Kurt began to sing in perfect, bewitching French, "_On me dit que noe view ne valen pas grand chose. Elles passent en un instant comme fnent les roses._" As Blaine listened, he started to see Kurt's side of the argument. He had heard Kurt sing countless times, but there was just something different about this. It seemed more intimate, more emotional. Had he truly not noticed how beautiful French was before this moment?

"_Il s'en fait des manteaux pourtant quelgu'un m'a dit. Pourtant que tu m'aimais encore. C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore. Serais ce possible alors?"_ Kurt continued to play for a few minutes after he stopped singing, graceful fingers moving up and down the keys. He finally stopped and turned to meet Blaine's gaze.

Blaine was surprised by the emotion he found in Kurt eyes. Unless he was mistaken, Kurt looked…well, he looked the way Blaine imagined he himself looked when he thought of Kurt. Kurt's eyes were so full of love and passion, Blaine felt breathless.

Blaine broke the eye contact, blinked a few times and before he knew it, the moment was gone. Kurt was just Kurt, looking at him like he always did. Surely Blaine had imagined it, hadn't he?

"That was…" Blaine struggled to find the right words to describe the incredible thing he had just witnessed. _Perfect _and _breathtaking_ just didn't seem to cut it. And he couldn't exactly tell Kurt he was so captivated by Kurt's talent that, for a minute, he'd forgotten his name and where he was and what he was doing. All he had known was the beautiful boy with the singular voice sitting next to him. In that moment, Blaine knew that it was true, what he'd been fearing and feeling for the past few months: he was more than just in love with Kurt. And he wasn't going to get over Kurt any time soon.

Blaine continued slowly, meaning every word, "Kurt, that was the most amazing thing I have ever heard." Kurt blushed a beautiful pink and Blaine added, "And I saw Katy Perry _and_ Lady Gaga live last year."

Kurt's ringing laugh made Blaine's heart sing and he smiled. "So, oh French connoisseur, what does it mean?"

Kurt hesitated, trying to think of an apt translation. "Basically," he replied, "it's a love song. It's about how life is short, and fate plays tricks on you and nothing works out the way you plan. But sometimes love surprises you."

Kurt took a breath and paused. He turned to look at Blaine straight on as he continued, "The chorus is something like 'someone told me you still loved me. Could that be possible?'" Kurt's eyes were searching and hopeful as they met Blaine's.

Blaine felt breathless as his head spun. Kurt's eyes were locked on his and his lips were so close to Blaine's own and they looked so soft and perfect. If only Blaine could bridge the small distance between them and find out for sure. If only Blaine could take Kurt in his arms and tell him that yes, of course he still loved him. Blaine sighed and the noise seemed to bring Kurt out of his trance. Kurt inhaled sharply and stood up, eyes wide with confusion and pain.

"I've really got to…" Kurt started, gathering his things. "I have to go and see…"

"Yeah, of course." Blaine said, knowing full well that Kurt had nowhere to be. Kurt left in a tizzy and Blaine dropped his head into his hands. _What was that?_ He couldn't have possibly been imagining the look in Kurt's eyes. The look of longing and love and hope that Blaine was sure mirrored his own.

Kurt didn't go with Erik and Blaine to the theatre that night. He told Erik he was sorry, but he was getting a terrible cold and he couldn't risk hurting his voice this close to term ending. Kurt insisted the two boys still go and so, unable to find a third person to accompany them, Kurt's seat remained empty next to Blaine's. Ever the concerned boyfriend, Erik fretted over Kurt, harassing Blaine with questions, but once the overture began, he was swept up by the incredible orchestral sound. Blaine sat, glancing every so often at the chair next to him, wondering what Kurt was doing, what he had been thinking earlier that day. Blaine couldn't help but think that, while he had been imagining the two of them sharing a kiss, Kurt was doing the same thing.

_Someone told you still loved me. Could that be possible?_

* * *

><p>When Blaine saw Kurt the following day, they both acted as if nothing had happened; as if that moment in the practice room hadn't been terrifying and breathtaking for both of them. They went back to the way things were before because, really, nothing had changed. Kurt was still with Erik. Blaine was still Blaine, conflicted and confused, and lovesick and alone.<p>

Under the surface though, everything had changed. Kurt was more confused than ever, the lines dividing his friendship with Blaine and their undeniable connection blurring more and more. He wished he could just forget that day entirely, un-think the thoughts of Blaine and his eyes and his smile and his lips, but, try as he might, he couldn't.

Blaine knew he could never go back. He knew now what he had only guessed at before: Kurt was it for him. Kurt was the one, his soul mate, his destiny, his fate. Whatever you wanted to call it, Kurt was it. And Blaine would be in love with him, mutually or not, for as long as he lived.

* * *

><p><em><strong>On your back with your racks as the stacks are your load<br>In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load  
>In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load<strong>_

* * *

><p>"So Erik was going a bit crazy today, wasn't he?" Kurt asked as he and Blaine made their way through the snow. The boys were on the way to practice for upcoming evaluations. Practicing with Kurt always left Blaine confused: did Kurt's eyes linger on Blaine's for longer than necessary, or was he just imagining things? Was Kurt's song choice, one of conflicting feelings and missed opportunities, purposeful or just coincidental?<p>

"That man never surprises me anymore. Ever since New Year's freshman year, I expect the unexpected." Kurt and Blaine shared a laugh as they recalled Erik's infamous New Year's incident that involved a bit too much vodka, dancing on tables and unforgettably off-key renditions of Britney Spears songs.

"But really, Blaine. It was a bit much." Kurt touched Blaine's coat-covered shoulder, stopping Blaine in his path. "I'm sorry. You know how he gets. Once he commits to something he _commits_. And I guess I'm just like everything else. _We're_ just like everything else."

Kurt sighed and plopped down on a nearby bench, resting his head in his hands. Blaine joined him, concerned and, dare he admit it, hesitantly hopeful that Kurt didn't share Erik's enthusiasm for their wedding plans.

"It's just a bit terrifying: having your future all planned out. What if I don't want to _be_ anybody's husband? What if I want to just be Kurt Hummel for a while? I _love_ Erik, I do…but it's like you said. Jobs and houses and babies. It's overwhelming, maybe too overwhelming. I don't know…" Kurt trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

So that explained Kurt's look of recognition at coffee. _Of course_, thought Blaine. _He wasn't thinking about us. He just recognizes in me that same petrifying fear he's been hiding from Erik. Of course._

"Do you think it might be Erik?" Blaine asked, recovering from his disappointment. Kurt frowned, confused, so Blaine continued, "That maybe the reason you're overwhelmed isn't getting married or changing your name or being tied down? That what's scaring you is doing all of those things _with Erik_?"

"Blaine, I don't thi-" Kurt started, but Blaine held up his hand.

"No, just listen: I think that maybe, you're not that attached to being Kurt Hummel at all. I think you're just afraid to be Kurt Boden." Kurt opened his mouth as if to continue and Blaine rushed on, "I'm not trying to pry or stick my foot into something that's completely not my business. But, well, it kind of _is_ my business." Blaine nudged Kurt playfully with his shoulder, "_You're_ my business. You're my friend. One of my _best_ friends. And I'm just trying to understand why, all of the sudden, the idea of spending your life with your boyfriend of two years is scaring you."

Kurt took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah, that's what I'm trying to understand, too."

"I think," Blaine took Kurt's soft hand in his and went on, "I think it might not be _you_. I think it might be _him. _You with him." Blaine rubbed Kurt's hand with his thumb, making circles on the flawless skin, "I'm Erik's biggest fan, you know that. But if it's the right person, all that commitment and future stuff? It's supposed to be exciting! And exhilarating."

Blaine smiled and said, "Trust me. When it's the right person, you'll want all of those things, and not just because you think you have to."

Blaine ended his little speech and Kurt squeezed his hand softly, heaving a deep sigh as he rested his head on Blaine's shoulder. _When it's the right person, it'll feel like this_, Blaine thought. _It will feel just like this._

* * *

><p>Sometimes, Blaine wished he could hate Erik. If only he could muster up the feelings of loathing and abhorrence, then he could justify everything. But he just couldn't.<p>

Erik had been there for Blaine when Blaine really needed someone. Every time Blaine fought with his father about his future or his attitude or his annoying insistence that he was, in fact, still gay, Erik was there to help him through it: to calm him down, to listen when he needed to vent, to hug him and pat him on the back and insist that everything would be okay. Blaine could push his thoughts of friendship aside to fantasize about Erik's boyfriend and the hundreds of ways he could win Kurt's affection, but he could only ignore the sneaking feeling of disloyalty for so long. Because every time Erik smirked as he told Blaine a funny story, or called Blaine to wish him luck before an exam, or made an extra trip to pick up Blaine's favorite cereal, Blaine remembered.

He remembered that Erik was still the best guy he knew. He remembered that Kurt agreed to go out with Erik, no persuasion required. He remembered that best friends do not steal each other's boyfriends.

He remembered that Erik loved Kurt just as much as Blaine did. And, most painfully of all, he remembered that Kurt loved Erik, not him.

* * *

><p>Weeks after the wedding incident, Kurt and Blaine could be found in the practice room where they spent so much of their time. Libraries were stuffy and coffees shops distracting, so they sat cross-legged on the floor, leaning against the piano, studying for their upcoming exams.<p>

Every once and a while, they would take a break to play a song, or improvise something, or sing a duet, relishing in the sound of their voices blending together. Kurt and Blaine and Erik shared almost everything. But, just as Kurt and Erik had something that Blaine couldn't understand, so too did Blaine and Kurt have something entirely their own. Erik couldn't hold a tune if it came with handles and his attempts to play the piano were ridiculous at best. So, while Erik holed himself up in their room, Blaine studied with Kurt, cherishing every minute they had together.

Blaine was just finishing a particularly adorable rendition of Teenage Dream and Kurt couldn't hold it in any longer. "It's supposed to feel like this, isn't it?" he asked quietly, trepidation showing in his careful eyes.

"What?" Blaine plopped down next to Kurt and said, "Music was distracting me, as usual. _What's_ supposed to feel like _what_, now?"

"Erik and I. What we have. It's supposed to feel like this." Kurt explained, looking down into his lap, refusing to meet Blaine's eyes. Kurt took a shaky breath and continued softly, "With you and me, it's effortless. And imagining spending the rest of my life with you? It's not scary at all. Because I know that there would be way too much pop music and Broadway and fashion and too many sickeningly cute duets and we would drive people crazy…but it would be so easy. So right. If it weren't for Erik…if it was just you and me…"

Blaine sat still, shocked into silence. They hadn't discussed their conversation on the bench, hadn't analyzed Kurt's hesitation any further. Blaine had secretly hoped that Kurt would realize that, while Erik was wonderful, maybe he was wonderful for someone else.

But Blaine didn't push. He didn't press Kurt to talk about it. He left him alone with his thoughts. But this new revelation, _this_ could not be ignored or left alone.

Blaine scooted closer to Kurt and gently lifted Kurt's chin with his hand. He looked into Kurt's sad and scared eyes and said confidently, "You're right. Love and relationships and the rest of our lives…it's supposed to feel _exactly_ like this."

And then, just as he had imagined doing for the past two and a half years, Blaine brought his lips to meet Kurt's, desperately trying to show him, with strokes and tongues and hands and hearts, how it was supposed to feel.

**A/N: Remember, reviews are love. The more I get, the more I love you and the faster I update :) Also, I just really want to know what you guys think! I'm so happy to see that people are subscribing/adding to their favorites, and I'd love to know why!**


	3. All my love was down

**Author's Note:** Lyrics by Bon Iver. Blaine and Kurt are not mine, but this universe is. Many thanks to my three WONDERFUL reviewers! This one's for you guys :) And, as always, thanks for reading! Feel free to hit me up on tumblr if that's your thing and REVIEW PLEASE! :) Enjoy!  
><strong>Dedication:<strong> 3) to Mike Chang, for the wonderful quote, "It's what I love to do. It's never going to be a waste of my time." This is my new philosophy…and how I justify spending time writing fanfiction when I should be studying.

**PART THREE**

_**Well I've been twisting to the sun and the moon  
>I needed to replace<br>The fountain in the front yard is rusted out  
>All my love was down<br>In a frozen ground**_

Some moments, happy or sad, painful or blissful, have a funny way of sticking with you. For Blaine, most of the moments he would never forget had something to do with Kurt. The first day they met. The first time they spoke. Their first _everything_.

He also couldn't help but remember all of Erik's firsts with Kurt: Kurt and Erik's first date and first fight and, most haunting of all, the first time Erik told Blaine he was in love with Kurt.

It was a dreadfully cold day and Blaine had just traded the chilly Evanston air for the warm room he shared with Erik. But he didn't escape the cold for too long. Erik wanted to talk about Kurt, as always, and Blaine, ever the best friend, resigned himself to listen. When Erik dropped the l-word, Blaine felt that same chill that permeated the campus seep into his very veins. He felt his last shreds of hope slip away as he realized that this whole Erik and Kurt thing had real staying potential. And this whole being madly and completely and unrequitedly in love with Kurt thing? Yeah, that did too.

Blaine made up a ridiculous excuse and left, because all of a sudden the room whose refuge he sought from the cold seemed like a prison, not a sanctuary. He felt suffocated and stifled and he had a hard time taking a breath, as if his lungs were refusing to fill, his very body protesting the news he had just received.

Erik was in love with Kurt. Blaine repeated it like a mantra in his head as he walked the frosty streets of the campus, his breath visible in the icy air.

The problem with being in love with your best friend's boyfriend, well, one of many, is that, no matter how far you walk or how cold you get or how many times you mentally chastise yourself and swear to move on, it just doesn't go away. You can't escape it or deny it or forsake it, you just have to live with it.

* * *

><p>"That is not the face of a happy man," Drew observed, greeting Blaine with a hug and a fierce pat on the back.<p>

"Ha," Blaine replied sarcastically, "your keen powers of deduction are remarkable, Drew, really." He grimaced as they found seats at a nearby table. The two men were meeting at their usual coffee shop at Blaine's insistence and Drew knew it had something to do with Kurt. It was _always_ about Kurt.

Drew sipped on his tea before saying, "You know I hate to say I told you so."

Blaine smiled weakly and said, "But you did. You _did_ tell me so. And I didn't listen. I couldn't." Blaine stirred his coffee, continuing, "It's Kurt. Nothing about my feelings for him has ever followed logic or reason. Or your advice." Blaine stated grimly.

"So, what happened now?" Drew asked, sounding both exasperated and genuinely concerned, as he often was when it came to Blaine and Kurt.

The last time Blaine and Drew had met up to talk, it had been the day after what Drew fondly called Erik's bout of verbal diarrhea. When Erik had scared both Kurt and Blaine with his wedding plans and Kurt had consequently confided his fears in Blaine, Blaine had required some serious counseling from Drew. Drew had come to understand Blaine's complicated relationships with Erik and Kurt, his confliction and love and pain. And he had come to dread Blaine's invitations to coffee, knowing they meant that Blaine was once again being dragged through emotional mud.

"We kissed."

Drew sputtered and coughed, nearly inhaling his tea. "You KISSED?" His eyes were wide as saucers as he went on, "You, Blaine Anderson, king of all that is moral, finally started acting in your own best interest? Bravo! I am truly proud."

Blaine didn't look proud of himself. If Drew hadn't known that their meetings always corresponded to emotional turmoil for Blaine, he still would have noticed the signs. Blaine's hair was tangled and greasy, he had dark circles around his eyes and at least three days of patchy stubble on his cheeks, and he was wearing his bedroom slippers. This was Blaine at his worst.

"I wasn't just acting in my own best interest, Drew, I was being a selfish asshole." Blaine sighed and pressed his palm to his forehead. "He's dating my best friend. My _best friend_."

"But he's supposed to be with you." Drew replied simply, reaching his hand over to pat Blaine's. "It's not going to be easy, but you're going to have to accept the fact that life is messy. You're an incredibly kind person, so you're not used to it but, sometimes, in order to get where you're supposed to go, you have to get your hands dirty."

"To get where I'm supposed to go." Blaine repeated disdainfully. "Even if it means breaking people's hearts and sabotaging their happiness? Well, I'm sorry, but count me out."

Drew sighed, knowing perfectly well where this was going. Blaine's moral compass pointed directly north. The man never strayed from the straight and narrow, following the rules and doing _whatever_ he could _whenever_ he could to help _anyone_ but himself.

Blaine looked at Drew, eyes dark and serious, "The thing is, Drew, I have the power to mess up Erik's life. To steal his boyfriend and betray his trust. But I can't do it." Blaine heaved a great sigh. "I would rather him be happy than me. I would give up my chance at happiness to give him one. Just as I would do for Kurt. Just as I would do for you."

Drew smiled and nodded, grabbing Blaine's hand. "I _know_ you would. But that doesn't make it fair. You get one life, Blaine. Just one. And if you don't live it, at least occasionally, you're going to wake up one day, eighty years old with an empty house and a lonely heart, full of regret."

Blaine started to respond, but Drew cut him off, "No, listen. You deserve to be happy. You, more than anyone else I know, deserve love and joy and all that shit. You do!" Drew insisted as Blaine scoffed. "And I know you can't see it now, but Erik knows you do too. And he would never be able to live with himself if he knew he was the one keeping you from being happy."

Drew finished his tea as he looked at his watch. "Listen, man. I've got to go. But you need to promise me you'll at least consider it. Give yourself a chance to be happy. Please, if not for you than for me, because I'm sick of worrying about you." Drew patted Blaine on the back, slung his backpack over his shoulders and left, shouting behind him, "You deserve it!"

Blaine laughed and drowned his sorrows in his cup of coffee.

* * *

><p>Have you ever spent so much time with someone that everything, literally everything, reminded you of him?<p>

You hear a song on the radio and it's a song he loves or hates or had stuck in his head the last time you saw him. You eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you remember that the two of you once talked about peanut butter for a good forty-five minutes and you have no idea what was said but you just remember laughing until you cried. Or you think of your debate last week over the difference between jelly and jam (in which you firmly insisted that they're the exact same thing. I mean, really: they're the exact same thing). You walk to class and step on a crunchy leaf which makes you think about how much he loves that sound and how his eyes light up whenever he sees the leaves changing colors and how he get sad every time the leaves start to fall, signaling the end of his favorite season.

_That's totally normal, right? _thought Blaine, as he pondered his arguably obsessive tendency to relate everything and anything to Kurt. _That's just what happens when you spend a lot of time with someone. You can't help but think about them because you have a lot of memories with them. It's natural! It's just a best friend thing. Isn't it?_

* * *

><p>"Blaine, you need to stop," Kurt whispered softly but with force.<p>

After much soul-searching and listening to a certain French song on repeat, Blaine had taken Drew's advice. He had decided, for once, that he needed to seize his chance: lay it all on the line and fight for Kurt. Fight for what they could have. But, being that it was one of Blaine's plans, it didn't exactly pan out. He had a speech prepared about soul mates and destiny and he'd picked out a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers and he'd even written a song but as soon as he'd crossed the threshold of Kurt's room every word and phrase and chord he'd spent hours practicing slipped from his mind.

All he saw was Kurt and the look in his eyes that Blaine was sure matched his own. The excitement and thrill mixed with fear, apprehension, and sadness. Because what they were doing, what they had done, wasn't just beautiful and lovely and right. It was messy, complicated, confusing. There was Erik to think about. Blaine saw all of this with one look into Kurt's eyes and he longed, more than anything, to make all the hurt go away.

So he crossed the room in quick strides and captured Kurt's lips in his. And Kurt had gasped and been momentarily still, but had then responded with equal enthusiasm. It was rushed and rough, so different from their last kiss. Because, this time, there was desperation and a bit of self-loathing in the mix. This time, they both knew _exactly _what they were doing and what were destroying. There was fire and passion and lips and teeth and soft moans until there was nothing. And it was just Kurt, pulling away and Blaine, woken from his trance, mind clear once more.

Kurt gently placed his hands on Blaine's shoulders and pushed him away, dropping his hands and wringing them together, his expression guilt-stricken, his eyes sad.

Blaine frowned and searched Kurt's face for a flicker of what he had seen before: for the look of love. But Kurt's face was unreadable, his eyes dark and distant. "Kurt, what…" Blaine started.

Kurt interrupted, "I _love_ you, Blaine. So much."

Blaine felt as if the ground had dropped from beneath him and that he was soaring. _This must be what flying feels like_, he mused as an adorable grin graced his features. But Kurt's face didn't mirror Blaine's. He still looked conflicted and not nearly as happy as he should be, given what he'd just confessed.

"But, Blaine, and you have to hear me when I say this: I'm with Erik." Kurt stated firmly, his eyes sincere and full of pain as he met Blaine's. Blaine's face fell and his brow furrowed.

"Kurt, you can't just…you can't tell me that you feel this with Erik," Blaine said pleadingly, taking Kurt's hands in his. "That you've ever felt like this before. That this is all in my head. You just can't."

Kurt looked down as he said, "I'm with Erik."

"But what we have…"

"I'm _with _Erik_."_

"That doesn't change…"

"Blaine, you aren't listening. I love you, I do." Kurt dropped Blaine's hands and sighed, grabbing Blaine's shoulders and looking in his eyes as he continued, "But I'm _in love_ with Erik."

"But we…but I…oh." Blaine's voice faded and Kurt squeezed Blaine's shoulders once more before removing his hands. Blaine felt his heart pounding in his ears and couldn't seem to focus on Kurt's face. He blinked and shook his head, trying to understand, to think straight.

Kurt stepped away and said, "I think you should go," pain written across his face. Blaine nodded wordlessly, too devastated to respond. Kurt watched as Blaine walked away, both boys convinced they had never felt worse in their lives.

* * *

><p>Blaine had experienced more than his fair share of pain.<p>

He thought he knew pain when he fell off of the monkey bars in second grade and broke both of his arms. But the doctors and the brightly colored casts and all the attention they brought distracted him. And his body miraculously righted itself and took the pain away, because it wasn't the worst he could handle.

He thought he knew pain when the whispers started. When kids threw around "gay" and "homo" and the most taboo f-word changed from four-lettered to three. When his friends stopped sitting with him at lunch and talking to him in class, as if he had some infectious disease. But Blaine had music and writing and his mother to rub his back when he cried. So that pain, too, went away, because it wasn't the worst he could handle.

He thought he knew pain when he was thrown against the lockers and tripped while walking down the hallway. When the verbal abuse wasn't enough so the physical abuse took over and he had more bruises and black eyes and scars than he cared to remember. But even that pain faded over time, along with the physical marks it left behind. At the time, it seemed unbearable, but it wasn't the worst he could handle.

In his twenty years, Blaine had felt the worst of what life could through at him and taken it in stride. And then came Kurt.

Then came the wonderful, indescribable highs, and the brutal, heart-wrenching lows. Then came the laughing and the tears, the love and the self-loathing. Then came the incredible feeling of hope and the incredible pain of rejection. Blaine realized as he walked out of Kurt's room, after experiencing the most unbearable of dismissals, that everything he had felt before then had been nothing.

_This_ pain, the pain of knowing that your soul mate, your _everything_, was in love with someone else, was excruciating. The pain of knowing that, in spite of everything, Kurt was choosing Erik, was the worst Blaine could ever imagine. This was the lowest of lows. _This_ was pain.

* * *

><p>After Drew convinced Blaine that he deserved Kurt, that he could and should seize his chance for love, Blaine had resigned himself to breaking his best friend's heart. He had even accepted that he might be throwing away one of the only true friendships he had ever had. Blaine had imagined the pain and agony of explaining the situation to Erik: how they hadn't meant to fall in love, how they had never meant to hurt Erik, how some things, like true love and fate, simply could not be controlled.<p>

The one thing Blaine had taken for granted was that Kurt felt it, too: the love and the connection and the rightness of it all. Blaine had merely assumed that, after everything they had been through together, after all of the stolen glances and heart-to-hearts, that after confessions and explanations and kisses, he and Kurt were on the same page.

How could he have been so wrong? Had he truly been so blinded by his love for Kurt that he mistakenly assumed his feelings were returned? Kurt had kissed him back with equal desire and passion, hadn't he? Wasn't Kurt the one who said that nothing with Erik ever felt as right as it did with Blaine?

And yet, a week after Blaine decided to sweep Kurt off of his feet and found that Kurt didn't want to be swept by him at all, Erik and Kurt were still very much together. And Blaine was still very much confused, heart-broken, and devastatingly alone.


	4. Your love will be safe with me

****Author's Note:** **Lyrics by Bon Iver. Blaine and Kurt are not mine, but this universe is. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this, the final chapter :)**  
><strong>Dedication:<strong> **4) And finally, to my brother, for laughing at me when I told you I was writing a fanfiction, for sharing music and laughter and life with me, and for telling me to watch Glee oh-so-many months ago. Glee and the music and the characters and Klaine has helped me survive the stress and drama of everyday life and allowed me to hope for true love and destiny and soul mates and all that. Which is pretty cool. So thank you, Glee. And thank you, brother. Become the man of the mountain.

**PART FOUR**

_**There's a black crow sitting across from me  
>His wiry legs are crossed<br>He is dangling my keys, he even fakes a toss  
>Whatever could it be<br>That has brought me to this loss?  
><strong>_

Kurt and Blaine's first conversation had been about shoes.

After weeks of fretting, Blaine had finally worked up the nerve to start a conversation and he, ever the charmer, began with, "They're everywhere, aren't they?"

Kurt had looked over at him, perplexed and had said, "Hmm? What's everywhere?"

Blaine paused, having completely overestimated the quality of his icebreaker, before responding awkwardly, "Uh…shoes. You just…can't go anywhere without, uh…seeing them, can you?"

Aghast, Blaine longed to drop his head into his hands, or else rewind their conversation and start again. Blaine busied himself with his daily planner, pretending to take note of something important, sure that he had effectively killed any chance of a connection.

Kurt had giggled, and the sound was more pleasant and surprising than any Blaine could have imagined. Kurt replied, "No, you can't. Or without wearing them, really."

He kicked Blaine's shoe with his own, adding, "They're not too bad. Useful, I suppose." He had smiled at Blaine so earnestly and sweetly that Blaine hadn't known how to respond. So Kurt took over, guiding the conversation until Blaine could regain his sanity.

As class started, Blaine continued to glance over at Kurt, unable to keep himself from grinning gleefully. Sure, it hadn't been the finest conversation in history, but it was something. It was a beginning. He would certainly never look at his shoes the same way again.

* * *

><p>In all of their conversations about Erik, Blaine had been very careful to pay close attention. He noted every inflection and gesture and expression, sure that Erik's feelings were stronger than Kurt's. Kurt might love Erik, sure, but not the way Erik loved Kurt. And certainly not the way Blaine loved Kurt.<p>

Months bled together and the boys celebrated anniversaries and birthdays and Blaine waited, with crossed fingers and bated breath, and listened. And not once, not _once_, did Kurt ever say he was in love with Erik.

So Blaine allowed himself to hope. As long as Kurt wasn't in love with Erik, there was still a chance. Blaine could be friends with Kurt and while his heart might twinge a bit every time he saw Kurt and Erik together, there was still a chance. He could hope and fantasize that maybe, just maybe, there was a happy ending in this for him, too. As long as Kurt loved Erik, but wasn't _in love_ with him, all was not lost.

Until, in the moment he least expected it, Kurt was in love Erik. _In love._ Two words, six letters. And all was lost.

* * *

><p>Blaine had been sure that his visit to Kurt's room and the rejection that followed would change everything. He was prepared to lose his…well, saying his soul mate or true love seemed a little foolish now. He was prepared to lose his <em>Kurt<em> and his best friend, too.

So, when Erik called him a week after the incident, Blaine prepared himself for the worst. And when all Erik wanted was to see if they were still on for dinner that night, Blaine had nearly dropped the phone, squeaked out a "yes," and proceeded to panic.

The three lovesick twenty-somethings met for dinner and, although Kurt was fiercely avoiding Blaine's gaze, nothing much had changed. They were as they had always been: Erik and Kurt and Blaine. Under the surface, their relationships were fraught with lies and misunderstandings, with mistakes and confusions. But, with each of them wrapped up in his own thoughts, they functioned as they always had.

It wasn't until several months later that it all came crashing down around them.

* * *

><p>Blaine was good at a lot of things. A gifted student, he had always been his teachers' favorite. He could play the piano and the guitar and his voice could move you to tears. Blaine was a practiced writer. He could juggle and tie twelve different kinds of knots. He could speak relatively fluent Portuguese and he knew how to waltz. He could cross his eyes and do a perfect cartwheel.<p>

There was, however, one thing Blaine was horribly bad at doing, one thing he was never encouraged to do, one thing his parents had never condoned.

Yet, faced with the horror that he was in love with his best friend's boyfriend and the boy _wasn't_ in love with him in return, Blaine was left with no choice. For the first time in his memory, Blaine Anderson tried his hardest to give up.

* * *

><p>Blaine supposed he should have expected it. He had celebrated with Kurt and Erik when Illinois passed the legislation to legalize marriage for all. And it wasn't as if Erik hadn't talked about it several times before. But, nevertheless, nothing could have prepared Blaine for that heart-breaking moment when Erik asked him to help find the perfect ring for Kurt. And when Erik asked him for help to decide on just the right way to propose, his heart broke a little more.<p>

Kurt wasn't Blaine's. He never had been. So Blaine couldn't argue, or persuade or fight. He could only sit back and watch and wait.

But, the night that Blaine expected a visit from a very happy, slightly tipsy, and newly engaged couple, he received one from a crying, soaking-wet Kurt Hummel instead.

Apparently, it was raining. Blaine, who hadn't been outside in a few days, hadn't even noticed. Nor had he cared. But now, as he helped Kurt into a warm blanket and made him a cup of hot chocolate, rain seemed quite relevant. _Of course it would be raining_, Blaine thought melodramatically. _Even the universe understands how horribly screwed up this all is._

Once he had calmed himself enough to speak, Kurt whispered sadly, "Erik proposed." After Blaine nodded, Kurt continued, "By the look on your face, I'm guessing you already knew that." Blaine nodded again and looked down at his hands.

After a moment of silence, Blaine had looked up and asked, "So, what's the problem? You love him, right?" Kurt didn't respond, so Blaine said softly, "This is supposed to be a happy day, Kurt. Not a sad one."

Kurt's shoulders began to shake and tears welled up in his eyes once more. So Blaine joined Kurt on his bed and wrapped Kurt in his arms, confused and torn, simply hoping to take Kurt's sadness away.

"I just don't…" Kurt tried to speak, but shallow breaths and sobs got in the way. "I just can't…"

Blaine pulled away, taking Kurt's hands in his and said, "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I just want to know how to help."

Kurt nodded and, meeting Blaine's eyes, asked "Can you think of any reason why I shouldn't say yes? Why I shouldn't marry Erik?" Blaine frowned, confused. He could think of countless reasons, none of which meant a thing given that Kurt was in love with Erik. But that didn't explain the look in Kurt's eyes…

"I think I…," Kurt started, eyes locked on Blaine's. He started over, and asked "Do you think it's possible to be in love with two people at once?" Blaine's confusion deepened and he was lost for words. _What was Kurt trying to say?_

"Blaine," Kurt whispered, squeezing Blaine's hands in his, "I don't understand it. It doesn't make sense. But when I'm with you, I'm just so happy. I can't explain it...it just feels comfortable, it feels right. It feels like _home_, you know?" Blaine nodded, understanding the feeling perfectly. Kurt continued, "But when I'm with Erik, I'm happy, too. It's just different. I just…I just don't understand. I think I lied before…or, didn't tell the truth. When I said I was in love with Erik? When I implied I wasn't in love with you? I think...I'm…" Kurt trailed off, eyes full of emotion.

_So Kurt is in love with both of us? _Blaine mused, torn between the soaring feeling Kurt's words inspired and the pain he felt when he thought of Erik. When Blaine didn't respond, Kurt squeezed his hands again and asked, "Blaine, can you think of _any_ reason why I shouldn't say yes?"

_I'm in love with you. You're in love with me. We're soul mates and it's our destiny, our fate to be together. We're perfect for each other. You might be in love with Erik, too, but you're not meant to be with him; you're meant to be with me._

The reasons flooded Blaine's mind, each more convincing than the last. But at the thought of Erik's name, he remembered. It wasn't that simple. Kurt had chosen Erik. Blaine had given up.

_Maybe it's better this way. Maybe you're not supposed to end up with your soul mate. Maybe love, plain old regular love, is enough._

Blaine had betrayed Erik once, hadn't he? And, in the process, he had broken his own heart. Could there possibly be a lesson there? Maybe Blaine wasn't supposed to fight for Kurt, not if it meant sacrificing his friendship with Erik.

_If you really love someone you let them go._

Blaine knew that Erik made Kurt happy. It might not be the same easy, peaceful happiness Kurt felt with Blaine, but it was happiness. They would get engaged and plan the "best gay wedding of all time" or whatever. They would get married and buy a house and adopt a few kids. Blaine would be the best man and the godfather and the best friend. And that would be enough. He could give Kurt this chance at happiness. He could make Kurt happy without making Erik miserable.

"No, Kurt, I can't." Blaine responded, dropping Kurt's hands and standing up. "You should say yes. You should marry Erik." Blaine avoided Kurt's eyes, the shock and pain too unbearable to acknowledge.

Kurt's tears started again, but this time Blaine didn't comfort him. This time, he was too busy fighting back tears of his own.

* * *

><p>It didn't take Blaine Anderson long after meeting Kurt Hummel to start planning their future. He was one of <em>those<em> people. The hopeless romantic types who, as soon as they met someone of interest, were planning their wedding and picking out kids' names and doodling their names together in notebooks.

Kurt and Blaine. Blaine and Kurt. Blaine Anderson-Hummel. Or maybe Blaine Hummel-Anderson? Either way, didn't it look perfect? And, in those secret moments when he allowed himself to say it out loud, didn't it just roll off the tongue?

Blaine imagined adorable little kids, having the impossible combination of his own curly locks and Kurt's beautiful eyes. He could picture himself and Kurt exchanging vows, surrounded by their family and friends. The wedding would be perfect: Kurt would, Blaine was sure, plan most of it. But Blaine would help, he would make sure all the details were just right. It would be the happiest day of his life.

In their first few months of friendship, Blaine imagined confessing his feelings to Kurt in many different ways. When he couldn't sleep, he would play out scenarios in his head, what he would say, what Kurt would say. But one thing was always the same: they would end up together. Forever. Happy and in love and perfect. And whatever life threw at them, they could handle it…together.

Blaine wasn't a realist. He didn't imagine all of the ways it could go wrong. He didn't spend hours picturing a life without Kurt; a life spent watching Erik and Kurt and their happiness.

Kurt was supposed to be with Blaine , that much he knew for certain. So he pretended everything was simple and easy and fine. He told himself it would all work out, somehow. But it wouldn't.

* * *

><p>So, where do we draw the line? Is it acceptable to sacrifice friendship for love? Are we allowed to betray a friend in the name of destiny?<p>

Blaine had thought he understood fate. Months earlier, he had decided to forsake friendship, believing his choice of love over friendship was an inevitable one. He had gone to Kurt, willing to betray his best friend, all in the name of true love.

But nothing is ever simple, and in Blaine's case, nothing ever goes as planned.

Maybe Blaine had had it all wrong. Maybe this was the universe chastising him, punishing him, telling him that he should have chosen friendship all along.

The sad and honest truth was that, his feelings for Blaine aside, Kurt was happy with Erik. And, even more importantly, Erik, Blaine's very best friend, was happy with Kurt. Who was Blaine to stand in the way of that?

* * *

><p>Blaine readied himself for the announcement. He planned and prepared and cried for a bit. And he accepted the inevitable, the consequences of his choice. He accepted the events he had caused and the things he had given up.<p>

Before, he imagined his life with Kurt, but now, he imagined his life without Kurt. Blaine was sure he was doomed to live a life of wanting and watching and wishing. He would be there through it all, as Erik and Kurt got married and had babies and made a life together. Blaine, the best friend, wouldn't be able to avoid their happiness. No matter how far he traveled, no matter how disconnected he tried to become, they would seek him out. He would get emails and texts and voicemail. They would send him holiday cards and birthday presents and pictures of their kids. He could run, but he could never escape. Their happiness would find him wherever he went.

But he would always have the knowledge that, at the very least, when it mattered most, he hadn't forsaken his best friend. He had chosen to give Erik happiness instead of taking it for himself. And that had to count for something, right?

* * *

><p><em><strong>On your back with your racks as the stacks are your load<br>In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load  
>In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load<strong>_

* * *

><p>Kurt found him in the music room, as he often did. It seemed to be <em>their<em> place, after all. They had shared so much in that room, secrets and kisses and tears, so naturally, they would share this, there, too.

Kurt explained it gently, although it wasn't as if Blaine didn't know already. But, Kurt had wanted to tell Blaine himself, to explain. He mentioned things like "what could have been" and "if things were different." "I'm sorry" had made a few appearances, too. They held each other for a while, both clinging to the connection and the moment, afraid that if they parted, they would have to return to reality.

But time passed, as it does, and they broke apart. Kurt pulled Blaine to his feet, embracing him one last time. In a soft whisper, thick with emotion, he said, "I will _always_ love you. Forever and ever. And the day after that, too."

Blaine's breath hitched as he chocked back a sob, nodding his head. Words seemed meaningless, not worth the effort.

They left the room for the last time, closing the door after them, leaving behind their secret hopes and dreams, their what if's and their maybe's. They hugged again and they parted ways, Kurt to meet Erik and Blaine to wander aimlessly, to agonize and wonder and wallow.

* * *

><p>One of life's truest, most cruel paradoxes is time. It is both a miracle and a tragedy. We always seem to want more of it, until we want less. We want time to go faster, or slower, or to pause entirely. We want to go back, we want to skip forward. We want to remember, to forget, to know, to see. We measure time and keep track of it, but we lose it, too.<p>

Time has the power to heal wounds and erode friendships. Time can help and time can hurt.

In time, all things fade. Life fades and love fades. Happiness and sorrow, anger and misery, embarrassment and pride; they all get a little bit weaker as time passes. New events spark new feelings, and, over time, the old ones fade.

So, love may fade with time, but was true love different? Wouldn't it fade, too? Were not the feelings inspired by destiny and fate just as vulnerable to time as any others? They might be more passionate and less predictable, but were they really an exception? In time, wouldn't they fade, too?

Blaine found himself measuring time in a new way. Before Kurt and After Kurt. Before, he hadn't known love, but he had believed in it. He had always been a truly hopeless romantic. After, once he knew more about love and fate and friendship, he wasn't so sure of anything.

Days of hope and love and happiness were of the past. Loneliness and sadness, despair and self-pity; those were the now. And the future? The days when all the stolen moments he and Kurt had shared were distant memories? The days when he had to watch as Kurt and Erik lived happily ever after? Blaine wasn't sure he could bear to see what those days brought.

He hoped against hope that time would be on his side, for once. His timing with Kurt had never been ideal, but maybe now, maybe after everything he'd been through, time would give him this.

Blaine hoped it would all fade. Wouldn't it be easier that way? If it could just fade away, if time could give him that one thing, everything would be okay.

* * *

><p>After class ended on the day of their first conversation, Blaine realized, with horror, that Kurt had left before he had properly introduced himself. He hadn't given Kurt his last name or phone number and he hadn't invited Kurt to coffee. This had all been part of the plan, and, in a moment of true brilliance, Blaine had forgotten all about it.<p>

Sure he would end up sad and alone forever, Blaine gathered his things, full of melodrama and self-pity.

His head shot up as Kurt came hurrying back into the classroom. "I forgot to give you this," Kurt said, slightly out of breath, as he handed Blaine a slip of paper. "It's my number. I was thinking we could get coffee sometime, if you'd like. We could even talk about shoes if you wanted." Blaine smiled as Kurt teased him, looking at the wonderful paper in his hand.

"That would be perfect," Blaine replied, eager and honest. "Oh, and I'm Blaine. Blaine Anderson."

Kurt laughed his beautiful laugh and said, "I know. I'm Kurt Hummel, it's a pleasure to meet you." Blaine nodded, stunned. Kurt knew his name? That had to be a good sign! His spirits soared and he grinned broadly as Kurt went to leave for the second time that day.

Just before he reached he door, Kurt turned around and smiled one more time at Blaine, and Blaine felt his stomach leap. The boys shared one last look as Kurt said, "I'll see you around, Blaine Anderson."

* * *

><p>When he was younger, and he was sad or hurt or scared, Blaine's mother had pulled him onto her lap and whispered loving words into his ear. She had comforted and soothed him, rubbing slow circles on his back and humming his favorite lullabies. Once the tears had stopped, she had turned Blaine's head so he faced her, and put her hands on his cheeks. "Don't fret, my love," she said, the same words every time. "It will get better tomorrow. And tomorrow's tomorrow. Before you know it, the pain will be a flicker, a shadow, a memory. Life will go on, Blaine. And we will go on living it."<p>

Blaine would be better tomorrow. He would love Kurt less and spend fewer hours dreaming of his face. He would cry less and hurt less. Before he knew it, the raw misery he felt in Kurt's absence would be a flicker, a shadow, a memory. Life would go on for Blaine. And Blaine would go on living it, without Kurt, because, it was all he could do.

* * *

><p><em><strong>This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization<br>It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away  
>Your love will be<br>Safe with me**_

* * *

><p>~~~The End~~~<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>First and foremost, I have a final, fifth dedication to make. 5) to YOU my amazing readers. This experience has been so wonderful - I cannot thank you all enough. "Safe with Me" is the first and only piece of creative work I have ever written. I have been so overwhelmed by your comments! And, to anyone who is reading and not reviewing - thank YOU, too! I used to be you! I have read countless stories and loved them and cried over them and never reviewed them. But, in all honesty, it would mean the world to me if you could take a minute and shoot me the shortest, most simple of reviews. My dream would be to hear from every one of my readers - whether their comments be nice or not - I just want to hear your thoughts!

Also, if you could PLEASE read the final author's note I will be posting to my livejournal (check my profile for the link), I would love you forever. It contains a very important explanation of this story, my struggles and motivations, and where I will be going from here. In a nutshell, I am considering writing more in this universe and I want your thoughts! But there's more, so if you could please check it out, that would be lovely!


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